Sarah Bettens - I’m Okay

Sometimes, you have to accept the fact that some people are going to stay in your heart forever.

Even if you’re already gone from theirs.

I’m Finding You

 Have you ever experienced divine inspiration and utter hopelessness in one song?

I saw this when i was like 14. It was the first Eric Johnson song I ever heard and saw and I just got completely mesmerized by it. I’m pretty sure this was one of the reasons I picked up a guitar.

By the end of the song, however, i have resigned myself to the reality that i will never play guitar or sing as beautifully as this.

Ne-fuckin’-ver.

Playing shrink

A friend of mine came to me recently for “advice”. (When the fuck did i start coming off as remotely sensible to be even asked for an opinion?)

It turns out the “advice” wasn’t for her. But for a guy friend of hers who’s currently having relationship problems. Actually meltdown is probably a more fitting description of the current state of things, but anyway, fast forward: guy and girl lives together for six years, girl meets new guy, girl fucks new guy, girl eventually leaves old guy, guy gets anally depressed and turns to her female friend who, in turn, calls up moi. 

I hardly know these people. And actually listening to my friend describe the whole gangsta-style dynamics of their relationship made me want to a:)puke or b:)take a pineapple and shove it way up their asses.

That said, I do feel enough for the guy to understand what he’s going through. It’s always tough to get left behind. Especially after such a long time of togetherness. (No i don’t really give dickwad about the last sentence, so just read on please).

Anyway, at some point, you’ll start thinking along the lines that the longer you stayed together actually meant you just spent more time preoccupying yourselves with jerking each other off until you reached the inevitable. 

The guy went to postulate on at least a dozen reasons why his ex-girlfriend left him after years of co-habitation. Half of them are quite laughable, but anyway, what i am pretty sure of is that the girl fell out of love and got up and left. and for what i’ve heard from my friend, it’s pretty much pointless to chase after her anymore.

At which time i proceeded to pass on THE four wise words that an old friend once bestowed onto me: stop whining, you asswipe.

The thing about getting over, is that you HAVE to let yourself get left behind. Stop revisiting the places where both of you used to go to, stop living your life according to how you were together, stop looking for signs that she MIGHT just be thinking of you and for fuck’s sake stop telling yourself things like “nakakapanghinayang yung haba ng panahon ng pinagsamahan namin”. 

Because, while, yes, it is possible that you might see her in the same park where you secretly used to finger-fuck her, it is now also entirely possible that you might end up watching her get finger-fucked by somebody else.

While it sounds logical to continue doing things that you used to do together, just in case she decides to come back to you; eventually people are gonna wonder as to what you are doing with all those feminine napkins you keep buying when you do your groceries.

And while it does sound plausible that from time to time she might be thinking of you, it is also quite possible she might just be thinking of how bad you were in bed and how badly your feet stinks as well.

It’s never a fun thing to keep second-guessing yourself and your worth. So better not bother at all.

Get left behind. Because just like everything else, all that you were will eventually be forgotten.

Just get used to the idea.

Makakalimutan mo rin yan.

UPDATE: Guy and girl are, un-fucking-believably enough, back together again.  After weeks of infidelity, long hours of heartbreak for the guy and quite possibly some copious amount of sex for the girl, she realizes that her new guy was only out to get inside her pants.  Feat accomplished, new guy proceeds to act out the ass to wiggle out of his current hole so as to find himself a new one.

Ah love prevails indeed.

Isang gabi, sa isang beerhouse…

Well ok it doesnt really start out that way.

A few months ago, I was about 15 mins away from my house, when i realized i had taken a different route going there and i was now on a jeep crawling along quirino avenue.

I glanced at my imaginary watch and saw that it was 7:05 pm.

Hmmm… if i was on my way home too early and i had no idea that i was going there the wrong way, i figured i probably had too much on my mind that night.

Curiously enough, the minute i turned to view the street, there it was. Heaven’s Gate Videoke Bar (Disclaimer: Certain names and places have been changed to preserve the privacy and dignity of… well, mostly mine. So suck on it.)

So I got off the jeep and made my way to the alley where the entrance was. For those who want to go inside a beerhouse in a relatively discreet manner, an entrance along an alley that’s a bit of distance from the main road is a blessing. Of course, it’s a damn fire hazard as well and could likely be a cause of your death, but i digress.

Anyway, I haven’t really gone to a place like that in a while, to be honest. But i figured things don’t change much with how things go there. You walk in, the floor manager (sometimes gay, this time 40ish female) welcomes you and escorts you to your seat.

If you’re a new face, they usually take a seat with you and start making chikka. Eventually you get asked if you want to “table” one of the girls. If you decline them nicely, they just leave you alone. Me, I normally just extend the chikka with the floor manager. Buy them a beer and some chicharon, and they talk about everything. And i mean, everything.

After a while, they’ll ask you if you can buy them some tokens so they can sing on the videoke machine. Usually, they’ll ask you if you want to sing afterwards. Ya, i know. They tend to get things backwards sometimes, but at least they asked.

And so, floor manager goes into a rather surprisingly pleasant rendition of “Akooooo ang nagwaaaagiiiiiii…” 

After her performance, i rewarded her with another beer and we got back to making chikka. A few moments later, i heard the same song again. Sung by the same singer. Who was at the moment having a beer with me??? I think the confusion was practically written all over my face, so she starts telling me, “ay may dj kami jan at narerecord namin yun. Kanta ka na, sige na, sige na….”. (All the time she was saying this, her hand which was in the guise of pinching me in the leg, was getting dangerously close to my balls).

Hmm. For the usual ratty-looking, monobloc-furnished, urine-reeking excuse of an establishment, i thought that was a pretty surprising thing. The recording, i mean. Not the balls thing. Anyway, it was still early. Only a couple of tables with people. So, i thought ya. I’d give it a go.

So this is what I end up with, isang gabi, sa isang beerhouse.

If I keep My Heart Out of Sight.mp3

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Hay lintek…